Month in Memphis - by Dustin

PLEASE READ TESSA'S "Winter Wonderland" BEFORE THIS POST

Hey all, this is Dustin this time. I'm not likely as eloquent as my wife so bear with me as I update you a little more thoroughly on my perspectives on our first month in the city of Memphis. I was unable to update a picture of the snow so I apologize and hope to have one later.

Snow is beautiful and reminds me that winter is undoubtedly my favorite month. Unfortunate as you likely know... it is not Tessa's. Personally, (sorry to write this fellow relatives in Texas) as far as the weather goes, I'd rather be in Alaska than Texas. Oh well. I'd rather be with family than with landscape/weather.

This month here in Memphis has been... beneficial. I guess I say this almost as a concession, because in many ways I want to say that it has been negative or something. It really has been good and it is a little sad that I feel the way I do about graduate school here. You know how some people say they wish when they broke up that their partner would just yell and scream and tell him or her that he or she hates your guts, etc., rather than have them sweetly retell the times they had together and that maybe it could have worked out if things had been just a little different. Well, regardless if you follow the analogy, this is a little how I feel about Memphis.

Hunter and Maggie have been good, close friends of ours here and we've loved spending time with them as I know Tessa has said before. People at HUGSR have been genuine and friendly as well as very inviting. Even the faculty and staff at HUGSR have been great to me. However, I do not feel like this is my calling in life: to be a full-time (paid) minister. I know, we are all supposed to be ministers in our own rights, but you know what I'm sayin'. It's been hard. So far I've actually done well enough (a 50/50 on my only paper so far), but the work ahead is filled with hurdles and obstacles of researching hours that will turn into days and writing papers that will collectively account for more than 100 pages double-spaced. I just don't think I'm that type of historian/writer for as long as the program here (with the 3.5 to 4 year M.Div) requires. This is all too much for an area that I fear might hinder my own personal growth if I let it become a pain and burden rather than a joy and my source of life-sustaining bread. After all of this I would only hope to get into a Ph.D program that would add another 3-4 years of school. Life is complicated and, to this point, it's only progressed in that direction.

I'm 21. Does anyone remember 21? That age that most people are out partying and drinking (legally) and thinking about how to avoid classes for their B.A. for the next year or two. I have to admit, seeing old friends in such areas of life cause me to reflect more than a little bit. I'm immature. It's just a fact that as tactfully as I can say it is true. I know Tessa can probably attest to this though I know she probably wouldn't. She's sweet. I'm graduated with a B.A. after switching degrees and without a full-time job. I have been blessed with a job that will start shortly, but I'm still waiting. I've chosen a masters program that, now, I probably won't use (professionally. I do hope to continue it someday). I'm married. This blows the minds of old friends and not a small hand-full of others. I've moved for only the second time (really) in my life. I've lived in Southern Illinois, Central Arkansas and now Memphis. It's a big jump. And as my sister so unknowingly put it about a month ago, "Your life just couldn't be more crazy right now... unless you were having a baby." Welp... sure enough. My wife is about 9 weeks along now and I'm about 9 weeks closer to being a dad. Whoa. Can I just say this one more time, "whoa." If only I had a short audio-clip of the highlights of my family's reaction to my telling them that they're youngest son/brother was having a baby this might be clearer. So what could a poor, young, temporarily unemployed, husband, graduate school switcher, father-to-be do to add to his plate of issues? How's about a Ph.D? I say this with all of the same criticism (or more [hopefully]) that you are reading this with. How? Why? In what? Not totally sure on these. I know that graduate school is ultimately the best thing for both me and my family and the idea of teaching students is very appealing to me. To this point I've applied to the following schools to pursue a graduate level (MA or Ph.D at TTU) degree in Mass Communication: 1. Texas Tech University. The top on our list. 2. University of Memphis. Probably my number two, but Tessa's number three after this next one. I really like UM's program. 3. University of Arkansas. In-state tuition, closer to Texas, good school, etc. 4. University of Wyoming. I know. I'm crazy and highly impractical for even applying, but I say, hey, live a little people. I think this could be a beautiful and potentially inexpensive school that would be close to mountains and some family (Ang and Josh in the future too?). I'm pretty sure it's not even on Tessa's list though... yet. I love people. Ph.D just says security to me too. I know that this isn't the case, but I feel like it's as close of a way to assure that it's not a McDonald's part-time employment position funding my kids' education as I can get. Stewardship. This is a difficult, complex issue heavily addressed in scripture... for a REASON. Money is the root of all evil... false. You likely caught it that it's the "love" of money that the Bible tells us is the root of all evil and that is a sticky problem. Often we believe that the rich have an issue with loving money and, to be fair, often they do. To whom much has been given, much will be required. I would strongly hesitate before taking that, and many other scriptures like it, lightly. I hope to always be generous yet wise with money, but it is difficult not to concern myself so much with it that I don't find myself wishing we had more than we need. We're doing fine. If we can't afford to switch graduate schools and have a baby, then we'll figure out how to continue here or do it part-time or whatever needs to happen. I fully rely on God as my old arm bracelet used to remind me (F.R.O.G.). I'm blessed. God will provide a way through these no doubt difficult times. I do feel very immature and, along with this, very undeserving. I know I am young and life comes fast after school (and earlier if you get married!), but I never was one to figure myself waiting to plan life out and let it slip by. I'm stubborn too. Anyone can tell you this. This drive, whether of pure or ill motives, has helped me to be where I am today; in Memphis, married, expecting, seeking higher-education and working to provide. I told you that my time in Memphis has been beneficial and it's true because I can see that God is moving in me. I am a failure. It's okay to admit that to you because you are too (haha, oops). My spiritual life along with God's law has shown me this over and over. I am not the man-husband-dad I need to be yet, but I am growing. I need to be studying and growing in God's word, but If I'm not putting myself in the word it doesn't matter how much life throws at me, I'm not going to persevere. Perseverance is a blessing. James tells us this and I believe it (by the way, I think I'm writing one of my papers on the structure of James, so if you have any thoughts, feel free to send it my way. Feel free to read James and marvel at the structure or lack of structure it holds... interesting area). I know that God will bring about in my the Spiritual maturity I will need in this young stage of life I am in. He will allow this times for me to grow, be radical as I am called in God's word to be and persevere. I hope to not sound as if I am down on life; quite the opposite! I am excited at all that God is and has and will be doing around me! Life and this world is beautiful and incredible by His intention. My wife has a life growing from what seems like nothing inside of her. It is growing his or her little organs as I type... AWESOME!!! I was selfish and complaining about how tired I was and how I had done so much one day while she had sat on the couch (very sick I should add) where she then reminded me that she was helping grow organs for our baby. I thought, "that's probably more important and definitely more cool." I am blessed. God has given us much materially, I have a beautiful wife, a baby boy or girl on the way and a chance to learn. Far more than this, though, I am blessed spiritually by God that I am growing in perseverance to attain spiritual maturity that I so desperately need.

Well, that was long. I'll leave Tessa to the rest of these until I feel like spilling out more about what's going on here from my point-of-view. God is good all the time. We praise him now and always and thank you for your friendship and loyalty to us through difficult or trying times. But we know that, though life is and will forever be changed, it is all for the good in that it's for His glory that we live the way we do that others may see our crazy ambitions and success of a kind that's not of this world and hopefully want to praise our Father in Heaven. Well, it's now about 30 minutes into February, Central Time, so I should go to bed before class and 250-300 pages of reading tomorrow.

We love you,

Your brother and sister in Christ,
The Tennessee Hahns